3am

it's one of those nights when i get the urge to call you.
and i thank god my phone is disconnected and i can't find a pen.

there will be no letters - no texts and no emails.
the cable company never bothered to send a notification of termination, but that's fine.
3am's have never been great times for me.
they remind me of the cell phone you brought me for christmas and the alarm it had that i never learned to set.

and the gifts you buy now - for him - are probably better
and understandably.

so i write cheap messages like this
hoping you happen upon it while surfing through your cookies
and you'll call just to say you miss me.

i love you still.
is that a crime?