sat and waited.

so last night i sat and waited.

i placed the well-worn, low-sitting ikea chair beside my bed and rested.
this chair remained my favorite because of the deep dip.
the blinds had been raised earlier once the sun had been defeated. my favorite part of the day had long passed, and i found myself feeling some kind of way.

it's been weeks since i've fulfilled the human need of touch.
it's been days since i've licked my lips to get the attention of the cute one riding the metro every morning at 5:45am.
and my breaths have been slower.

i sat in this seat with my legs on the bed staring through the blinds at the tops of trees and beyond them into a gray abyss...
and i prayed with my eyes open that this wouldn't last always.

i prayed with my eyes open, asking that this feeling was as temporary as the few sips of cappuccino left in my only mug.
i prayed out loud for reassurance.

i could still smell 'black love' body oil in my tshirt and i could still remember the last day he wore it.

i watched mute bodies rush across the screen, and listened to the neighbor's toilet flush.
i wished i had onions in the fridge to chop so i'd cry to release this hold.

and i played sade's 'jezebel' and it happened.
i cried and realized he was gone.

mr. right will be here.
but right now he's in africa...and he's walking.

so last night i sat and waited.