cried for my friend.

so last night i cried for my friend.

a few back-to-back episodes of good times couldn't create enough laughs to cover up what came next.

with a little more than a smile, i answered the phone hoping it was cereal buddy calling to ask for another bowl of cinnamon toast crunch.
but not this time.

the sadness of a person's voice before conveying a message gives the brain too much to work with.
i began thinking of him and her and them.
and i couldn't get a tight grip around any one though, so the 'hims' and 'hers' and 'thems' were everybody.
my eyes prepared themselves for the tears.

'i just got the call from his mom. he died an hour ago.'

and in that second, florida evans wasn't so serious. jj wasn't so funny and michael wasn't the revolutionary they hoped him to be,
i found fault in it all.

all the cliched thoughts ran crazy:
'i just talked to him. he can't be dead.'
'he's in a better place'

fuck all that. he wasn't hear now. there was nobody here right now to eat my last bagel and drink that last little bit of vodka that's been in the freezer for weeks waiting for someone special.

there was nobody here to cuss out for turning from the golden girls to something stupid on discovery health.

had he called me tonight i would have ignored his call and called him back in the morning and listen to him cuss me out for not answering in his time of need.
his need being food or liquor.
and for not being here now i hated him.

on my couch sat the cherrywood brown man, looking me in the eye as i watched him through the mirror.
the tears remained hidden.

'are you alright?' he removed his glasses and stood up, paused the movie and stretched out his hand, requesting mine.

i held onto the phone that whispered its dialtone in my right ear.

he checked for a voice on the other end of the phone, then hung up, not once removing his eyes off of me.
'i asked if you were alright.'

and before i knew it, my fingertips were begging his spine for comfort.
and he hugged me back.

and there i stood, a crying man mourning the loss of my friend in the arms of someone comfortable.

and later he watched me sleep during the flood.

so last night i cried for my friend.